Stop Being a People-Pleaser

Today I received this article from a colleague in a gchat.  At first I was caught off guard as I was in deep thought in an email I was currently writing but I was also surprised by the title. "Stop Being a People-Pleaser."   When I finally read the gchat message from the colleague, which said "this is SO you," I was immediately curious to read this article and figure out why this particular article made them think this was SO me.

After reading it, I realized, this is me.  100 and 10%.  The advise in this article is exactly what I needed.   I have been battling with myself on time management, quality of work, and always being accessible to others, regardless of what priorities are on my plate at the current time.

This part of the article, struck a chord with me the most.  (I am guilty of this, more than I even realized, so thank you Elizabeth Saunders for giving me this wake up call)

"The "Yes!" Man or Woman Scenario:  
If you're an energetic, service-oriented person, your tendency is to always respond to any request by saying, "Sure, I can do that." Or when you're sitting in a meeting and someone asks for volunteers to help, you always raise your hand. Or even when no one asks for help — but you know they need it — you offer to assist. In and of itself, a strong desire to take action isn't bad. But if this attitude means that you're completely overloaded with work and unfocused on your top priorities, you are failing to keep the commitments that truly should fall under your ownership.  In many instances, there are other people who can step up. If you can't resist the urge to jump in, disconnect yourself when you're off hours so that you're not even aware of every crisis.  Even if it seems like a can't-miss opportunity, remember that there will always be other chances. There will always be more events, more conferences, more articles, even more crises to solve — more of everything. If you don't make time for what's an enduring priority for you, such as sleep, rest, or time with important people, you'll miss out on what truly matters."

Yup. That is me.  To the T.  Now all I need to do is take Elizabeth's advise to heart and to use. ASAP.

My role at work requires individuals to be contacting me via email, gchat or by the phone throughout the day, everyday.  Sometimes I have 15 gchat conversations going on at work with folks who need answers from me or have a question, while emails pile up in my inbox and my phone may have a few voicemails.  At meetings when people ask for volunteers or help, I always offer to participate.  When someone refers to me as being someone that would "know" or be good to help (I almost always say yes, without fully considering my band with first)

May be this is how a people-pleaser thinks.  Try to answer everyone and anyone's immediate needs as fast and graciously as you can and trying to fulfill every request thrown my way.  Even with my emails, I answer emails for people I know need my answers/responses the fastest, but I also don't like writing terse emails, because the last thing I want to do is come off wrong or that I am "too busy"to care.  However, spending too much time on an email is not proper use of time so can you see how this can be a little overwhelming for a "people-pleaser?"

According to this article, I need to start slotting time on my calendar where I am "not" available so I can do top priority work undisturbed.  I need to learn when to say "I am sorry I cannot help at this time" and how to protect my time and energy.  This sounds like a much better plan than me doing work after normal work hours for high priority tasks.  These tasks should be done during normal work hours.  Right?

I don't know about you, but my weekends and evenings typically consist of me working for some amount of time with my laptop on my lap, some nights more than others, because let's face it, it is my quiet time and undisturbed focus time.   Weekends are usually my time to catch up on work and unanswered emails.  I should be able to find this sort of time during regular work hours, but for the past few months, that has been almost impossible.  Now I know why.  I've been a Yes Woman for way too many requests lately and it's finally caught up and bite me in the butt.

I also recently read this article by Fast Company called "What Successful Night Owls Get Done Before Bed" and this article made me realize that may be I am just wired to be a late night worker.   My mind is focused at night and I get a second wind usually around 8/9pm and it lasts until 11:00pm/Midnight (hence why this blog post was posted so late in the evening).   Is this normal? (sure).  Is it healthy? (may be, may be not).   Does this schedule have a negative impact on the people in my life and my job? (a little).   So what do I do about it?  I can't be an "all-the-time" worker because that is definitely not healthy, but I need to make some changes so I can be a great manager and worker.

All in all, I want to have as much of a balanced workload and life as I possibly can.  I do not want email overload or work anxiety.  I want to leave work at the end of each day feeling like I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish instead of feeling like I am chasing after a car that is rolling down a hill with no hope of me ever catching up to it.

Hopefully these two articles can help me find my balance and new best practices so I can achieve my goals and surpass them.  If I can make even a few small changes, then I know I will be on the right path to continue taking myself and my career forward.

Have you ever struggled finding ways to balance your workload all the while be a people-pleaser at work?

Can you relate to either one of these articles? If so how?

Summer Where Are You?

This summer has been a busy summer for me.  Between attending weddings, my three jobs, planning the Young Associates Board: Run for Gus 5k, social networking groups, softball league, and personal life; I have had a very busy summer.

Learning how to manage my stress and work load is a fight I tend to lose at more than I would like to and even admit.  The reason why I lose this battle with myself is because I struggle in figuring out what I should give up and keep in my day-to-day life.  I want to be a super woman that can manage and balance her life as easy as baking a cake.  When I read about women who claim they can balance it all, are they really telling the truth?   It seems the media is saying more and more that women may be can't have it all.  What does that say to aspiring young women who are desperately looking for a role models.  Ramona from RHNY claims she can balance it all as does Kelly Rippa.   When I hear about these things, I always have to stop and check myself, because I know deep down that they aren't balancing everything all on their own.  They have a support team helping them.

After reflecting on my summer and how insanely busy I have been, I realized that I have not had much of a summer at all.  Has it been really worth it?  Is taking on so much at my age really the best thing for me at this time of my life?

As I looked back at my summer,  I realized that I have been to a pool twice, laid out in the sun 6 times, attended one city festival, one movie in the park, and have yet to go to the beach.  That is sad when you think about it.  There have been days where I can't even find 30 minutes for me to treat myself to a workout.  Why have I passed up going to the free concerts at the Pritzker Pavilion to stay late at the office or jam pack my schedule with networking events and activities after work?  Has it been worth it?  Yes and no.

Although they may not have been the best choices, I clearly made them for a reason and a good reason.  I love the work the YAB does for children with pediatric brain tumors, I want to be a successful business woman, and I am always eager to volunteer whenever possible.   Can you blame someone for wanting to do these things?  No, but should these things consume my every free moment outside of work?  Most people would say no.  I should be staying out late on a work night with friends because we went to a concert or a movie.  Or I went wine tasting after work with my boyfriend just because I can!  Instead I worry about checking my email at night, trying to get ahead with work, and making to-do's for the next day.  I sound like a PTA/Soccer mom and I am only 26.

I am a young business professional who does not have commitments waiting for me after work and I should be living life up everyday, because in actuality, time is of the essence.   Years from now I will have commitments that will prevent me from having this freedom.  Commitments being a dog or family, and parenting duties.   These are the years for me to enjoy having a flexible and carefree schedule, and I am letting these precious years slip away one by one.   Why has it taken me years to finally have this realization sink in?

As you can tell, this has definitely been a wake up call and a great life lesson.  Even though I enjoy my jobs, being on boards, volunteering, and attending networking events; I need to better balance my time, energy and attention to doing things that involve my friends, family, and most importantly, myself.   Time is running out and I know I will miss having a flexible schedule.   To ensure this happens, I am going to need to start minimizing some things out, especially the activities that prevent me from living a more carefree lifestyle and I know it is going to be tough for me to let some things go.  For now at least.

Any advice on how I can train myself to live a more carefree life?

Bad Habits & Lent

Today is "Ash Wednesday" which is also the first official day of Lent.    Every year since I was little, I would try to "give" up a few things and some years I would be successful whereas other years I would "cheat" here and there.    This year I am taking Lent with a different approach.  Rather than giving up things on a temporary basis, I am approaching this holiday as a way to cleanse myself of some bad habits that need a good kick in the butt.

Jessica and bad habits?  Yes it is true, I have some very bad habits that I need to break/fix.  I thought by me blogging about them and sharing them with my readers will empower me to A. not cheat and B. take this seriously.  So here they are.

1.  Chocolate.  I am giving up chocolate for Lent.  All types of chocolate.  White chocolate, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, and Nutella (yes it deserves it's own category).  

The reasons I am giving up chocolate are:

• I happen to have a huge sweet tooth.  Dessert is my favorite food group and it is nearly impossible for me to every pass up anything with chocolate, ever. Just ask my brother and father.  Anytime a dessert is ordered at a restaurant, I am immediately consulted on what to order (since I am almost always the only one that wants dessert all the time and rarely pass up opportunities to have it), but whenever I do eat dessert, I scarf it down leaving not a spot of evidence dessert was even served.  My mom and my sister also love dessert and usually help eat whatever I ordered.   I also grew up in a household that had sweets in it all the time since we wanted to "fatten up" my brother any way we could. (he had the fastest metabolism and could eat anything and everything without gaining a pound!) 
• My dad does not have much of a sweet tooth and rarely eats desserts or candies.  So my bad habit is partly due to my mom, since she has a sweet tooth herself and inherently passed her sweet tooth to her daughters (thanks mom!).   
• I eat chocolate almost every day.  I love Nutella and toast for breakfast.  I constantly have peanut butter M&M's at my desk and my pantry at home always has some sort of cookies in it.  The thing is, I think I am addicted to sweets, especially chocolate and it's time I tame this sweet tooth.   

2.  iPhone.  My cell phone is my life and I know for a fact that I am addicted to it.  Between Twitter, Facebook Alerts, Foursquare, Words with Friends, Pinterest, email accounts, and text messaging- I have a lot of distractions and things on my phone that keep my phone busy.

Lately, I have realized that my phone also exhausts me.  Exhausts me in the sense that I am always juggling the things happening on my phone and what is going on right in front of me.  Whether I am in a board meeting, having drinks/dinner with friends, or sitting at home with my boyfriend, I have the "urge" and almost "guilty" feeling to check my phone.  I shouldn't have these feelings nor guilt.   I need to be in the moment and not distracted or "addicted" to my phone.  I need to learn how to not be "so accessible" every waking minute.    Bethenny Frankel is my role model in this actually.  She recently relaunched her Bethenny Ever After Show on Bravo on Monday and in her opening episode she talked about her phone and her new habit of not having her phone out when she is with others.  She feels the exact same way I do and gets anxiety that she might be missing something or someone might be trying to get a hold of me that could be urgent.   I know something urgent is unlikely to happen but I take comfort knowing that my phone is right next to me at all times in case I do miss an important call or something.   

So starting now, I am going to have my phone in my purse when I am out with friends or others.  My phone will not be on the kitchen table when I am eating dinner with my boyfriend.   I will not be on my phone after 11pm, because I should be winding down or asleep not on Twitter or Words with Friends!  I am going to be in the moment and not feel like I have to constantly check my phone or feel like I have to respond to a tweet or text as soon as it is received.  It will be there when I check my phone and it is okay to take a few hours to respond.   

3.  Read Two Books.  Unfortunately this is not a joke.  My goal is to read two books start to finish by the time lent is over.  The books are yet to be determined but as soon as I pick them, I will definitely let you know.  Over the past year, I have purchased at least 5 books and have yet to pick any one of them up! This is one of my bad habits and a habit I need to fix.

The reason for this is because I love to read, but making time for myself to sit down and read a book NEVER happens.  Remember when I blogged months and months ago about Eat Pray Love?  Well I am still reading that book.  I think I am finally half-way done with it.  How sad is that?  The time I try to read is at the very end of a day and I usually get through one to three pages before I am literally falling asleep while reading.   This causes a problem in itself because I usually didn't comprehend what I read and have to re-read those three pages the next time I pick up the book (which could be days later).   During the times I could read a book, I choose to do other things instead, like go on social media or watch something on TV.  Not anymore because I have two books that I must start and finish by the time Lent is over.  Let the reading begin!


As I start off on day #1 of Lent, I already know this is going to be tough for me.  I know I am going to be tempted by delicious deserts at events I attend and I will try to rationalize with myself like ("Jess you may never get to try this particular dessert ever again or it's a special occasion and it would be "rude" to not eat the birthday dessert") when I know I cannot cheat.  Reading is going to be especially challenging because I will be tempted to want to watch something on Netflix or TV or even on my phone instead of sitting down and reading.   But I will not give in and I will not cheat.   I want to be tempted and have these be challenges for myself since that is a big part of Lent.   I also know that these are bad habits that I need to break and work on and I could not think of a better time to start.

So wish me luck and I will definitely keep you posted on my progress!

What are some of your bad habits?  Have you tried every breaking any of them?  Are you giving anything up for Lent? I would love to hear from you.

The Meaning of Gratitude in Our World

The word gratitude.   What does it really mean?   It isn't a word you hear too often and when you do it is usually in a signature (with gratitude) or in a book/story.   In place of the word gratitude, we tend to hear words that are similar to this word, like thankful, appreciation, thanks, and grateful.   

When I watched a clip about gratitude today, the meaning behind this word gained a whole knew meaning to me.  If you are human like me, you may forget how much each day is a gift and a blessing.   I know I do.   

Today I was literally awestruck after I watched a TedX Talk by Louie Schwartzberg.   Louie Schwartzberg is an award-winning cinematographer, director, and producer whose notable career spans more than three decades providing breathtaking imagery for feature films, television shows, documentaries and commercials.    His work is truly beautiful and in a sense mesmerizing.   He has a gift of capturing the beautiful things and natural occurrences in our world through cinematography.   You can see some of his work in action and how he fell in love with this form of art called, time-lapse photography.   The images he captures are indescribable.  Watch his full TedX Talk here. 

Louie's TedX Talk is about gratitude and appreciation.  Louie discusses his work and asks why aren't we grateful for our brains that can take electric impulses that come from light energy to create images in order for us to explore our world? Nature's beauty (that we rarely stop to take in) is a gift that cultivates appreciation and gratitude. (so powerful and true).   

He also showcases a documentary project he is working on called a "Happiness Revealed."  "Happiness Revealed" gives a glimpse into this perspective from the point of view of a child and an elderly man in our world.   The little girl's thoughts of imagination and the gentleman's rich and powerful words will move you.  

I highly recommend you take a moment, stop whatever it is you are doing and watch this talk.

Will you look at the sky more?   Will you really open your heart to the gifts we see each and everyday?   Will you wake up tomorrow with more gratitude to have another day here?   Will you look at each day as if it is your first day or last day here in this beautiful place? 

I hope this opens your heart, mind and eyes like it did mine.  I am inspired everyday by the people I meet and interact with and I am going to work harder at slowing down my life so I don't miss the precious moments every day has. 

Urban Hiking

If you live in Chicago, you know how beautiful of a day it was today.    Warm breeze, semi-cloudy fall day, with a hint of sunshine peaking depending on where you were in the city. 

I knew the second I walked outside for a minute, that today was the PERFECT day for a walk.   I put on my favorite weekend clothes (workout spandex pants and top, fleece shirt and my tennis shoes) and I set out on a walk.

As I began my walk from my place in Wicker Park, my boyfriend and I decided that this was not going to be a walk, but rather an "urban hike."  Yes it is a real word.    What is Urban Hiking you may ask, well here is a definition for you.  Urban Hiking, according to Wise Geek, is a form of hiking which takes place in an urban environment, rather than in nature. While on an urban hiking expedition, people may explore points of interest around the city they hike in, find new and interesting places in the region, or stop for food in local eateries.   Since I am an Urbanite, the only form of hiking in my environment is Urban Hiking.

The best part about Urban Hiking is that you don't have to have a route planned in advance.   All you do is set out and let your course take it's own path.    When you do it, you will explore the city in a way you have never experienced it before.   I promise you.   We walked for two hours, down streets we have never seen before and along paths we have driven down many times but never been able to appreciate on foot.

My urban hike was mentally refreshing and eye opening.   I forgot how much life there is in this amazing city I live in.   When you actually stop and take away all the noise pollution we clutter our minds with daily, you might be surprised  at how great you feel after a nice hike/walk.   You may be able to hear the leaves cracking under your feet, the water running down the streams, birds cooing under a bridge and the regular street noise.

I already cannot wait to take another hike through Chicago and explore new paths.   We all need to turn the volume down and open up our eyes and minds.   I did it and it felt great!   I left my cellphone on mute and my only form of communication was with myself or with my boyfriend who was walking along my side.  We talked about what we saw and just random thoughts. 

I had no clue that today would end up being one of my most favorite walks in the fabulous city of Chicago.   We all work so hard and get caught up in the daily hustle and bustle.   I know I do.    We deserve times where we can escape, even if it escaping within our own neighborhood.   You never know what you might find yourself discovering along the way.

"One does not climb to attain enlightenment, rather one climbs because he is enlightened."  -- Zen Master Futomaki

“After a day's walk everything has twice its usual value.”  -- George Macauley Trevelyan 

Social Butterfly Struggling to Fly

If you haven't noticed I have been pretty M.I.A.   September and October have been my busiest months yet and it's not work that is getting in the way.   For those of you following me via Twitter, Foursquare or my blog (or lack there of posts), you have probably noticed that I am always out being social.

Accordingly to Urban Dictionary, I am what you call a Social Butterfly. "Someone who is VERY social and easygoing."   My whole life I have been a social butterfly but lately my socialite life has gotten a little out of hand.   These past months I have been busy attending Social Media Club of Chicago events, volunteering and attending Chicago Ideas Week events, weekly Young Associates Board meetings to evenings hanging out with friends.   On top of it, September and October happen to be "hot" months to get married, so SweetChic Events has been busy bee's working weddings almost every weekend!

Don't get me wrong I LOVE being social and feel so blessed to have social activities almost every night, BUT I AM EXHAUSTED.   Exhausted from constantly being go-go-go and not taking care or time for myself.

Being social leaves less time to do things for you.  For example time to work out, do chores, and sleep.   These two months of countless social events has caused me to wear down.   This week especially has made me feel the aftermath of my late evenings and constant movement.   I can barely get out of bed in the morning and am finding myself barely keeping my eyes open by the time 10:00pm rolls around.  

How does Kim Kardashian do this?  I wish I knew her secrets!!  But even Kim one of the busiest and most publicized socialite goes through times of sheer exhaustion.   Exhaustion from being booked all the time and having to constantly be go-go-go.  (If only I had a stylist, make-up artist, and personal chauffeur like her than I wouldn't mind).

I know the holidays are coming up which means a really busy time of the year.   I happen to LOVE this about the holidays but I want to make sure that I am fresh and ready for them and not worn down beforehand making me even more worn down when they arrive.

Starting next week, which is a new month, I am going to work on setting aside some evenings each week for me.   Even when I try to leave at least one evening open for me to go to the gym, lay on the couch, or get some lingering chores done, my calendar ends up being completely booked.   I need to make time for me and really make a point of sticking to this goal.   My body doesn't feel as healthy, my mind is exhausted and I know I am sleep deprived.    Lattes can only help so much and it is an expensive bad habit. :)

So.   Starting next week, I will be making time for me to focus on doing things for myself.   Kick my butt at the gym, FINALLY finish reading my Eat, Pray, Love book that I have been "sitting" on for over five months and spend an evening on the couch if I want too.  

Being a socialite can be addicting and may be I need to send myself to a mini rehab.   Learn to say no to a few social events so that I can have days of relaxation or "me" time.   We all need them and most definitely deserve them, it's just a matter of making yourself take them.  

How do you keep your schedule from overflowing?   Do you make a point of giving yourself days just for you to relax or do things for you?

 

Food Weaknesses

Dear Food Weaknesses (you know who you are),

Why do you have to be so delicious?   You make me and my stomach happy, but I feel guilty when I splurge on you.   And yet I crave each of you all the time.   I can eat you any time, day or night (even in the middle of the night!)   Aside from being "bad" for me, you happen to be extremely easy to eat on-the-go.   Almost TOO easy.     Why can't you just play hard to get?   You must really know my weak spots.   I wish I could control my cravings and learn when to say NO to YOU.    But you make it EXTREMELY difficult to say NO to your face.    If you weren't around then this would not be as much of a problem.    So here it is.    I need a break.......  I need to expand my eating horizon and not rely on you to give me instant satisfaction and energy I need.    It is time for me to grow up.   

My metabolism is not what is use to be and being an adult I am no where near as active as I use to be.    I am an adult now.   The eat anything I want, whenever I want mentality- those days are LONG GONE.   I need to make sure that I am eating something from each tier in the food pyramid- everyday.   No more excuses.    I promise I am not leaving you entirely, I just need to teach myself to not depend on you.   The are other foods out there that my body should be receiving.    Carbs, you are a staple and my favorite food.   Sweets, you I hope you understand.    The only thing that will be different is the amount of time we spend together.    My portions need to be cut a little so I have room for the other foods.   I hope you can find it inside your ingredients to forgive me and accept my request.  My overall demeanor will benefit from this and I promise that this is not a goodbye.    It is solely something I need to do for me.  

With love,

Jessica

Why do the things I love the most have to be "bad" for you?  Why are they the easiest to "stock" up on AND the fastest things to make??  

If carbohydrates and sweets were more than okay to eat, then I would be on cloud 9.   Instead, they are the reason why I get tired, feel rundown, and can sometimes make the ibs. fluctuate.    With my job, having a regular workout schedule can be challenging.   No matter how much I try to fit in a workout,  my workouts are no where near as extreme or at as high of an impact as they use to be.   I try to workout 3-4 times a week if I am lucky, whereas in High School I was active almost 6 days a week.    This is a BIG change both for my health and my metabolism.   I need to figure out how to keep my body healthy in sync with my lifestyle changes.  I know it will benefit me in the long run but it is going to be challenging to be better about portion control with carbs and sweets.

What foods do you tend to eat more than others?   Do you go for foods similar to me?    How do you help ensure that you are eating more balanced meals each day?   I would love to hear your thoughts.....

Spring Time

I am currently extremely busy at work and I have not had the time to blog lately.  Hopefully once our Annual Luncheon is over with next Wednesday, I will be back to some form of a routine.   April is always one of our busiest months at work, mostly because of our annual event.   This year we have U.S. Secretary of State, Arne Duncan as our guest speaker.   We are thrilled and have received an unbelievable response for attendees and sponsorships.    It is really cool to see the event slowly coming together.   After months and months of preparation, planning, creating, you can slowly see the puzzle pieces coming together.    That is one of my favorite aspects of event planning- seeing the FINAL picture.    Hopefully this year's event will give my organization the boost in funds and gain new prospects.     I will be sure to talk about this event once the craziness digresses.   

On another note it occurred to me this morning as I was walking to the subway, why I was so happy.    I am happy because I forgot how much I love the month of April.    The flowers are starting to come out, the weather is turning warmer,  and the days are longer.    What is there not to love about April?    Even the rainstorms bring me smiles.    When the rain falls, the world slowly becomes greener and full of live again.   The birds are chirping every morning and you cannot help but feel happy.    With our big blizzard here and what feels like an EXTREMELY long winter,  I think we are all ecstatic to have our cold, dreary days over-with.

Lake Shore Drive in Chicago is already becoming a hopping place again.   One of my favorite things to do is walk along the lake soaking in the sunshine and starring at the beautiful city that I live in.   This is also one of my favorite times to go for jogs.    The weather is not too warm,  the air isn't heavy and the bugs aren't fully out.    I hope to be able to enjoy this month outdoors as much as I possibly can.    Time is not slowing down and I need to make sure I get my time with the Spring in.    

Mojitos also mean warm weather to me.  I love Mojitos, especially when they have Pomegranate juice (especially POM) in them.     They are refreshing, delicious and taste great with every kind of food.    If you are looking for a great Mojito recipe this is one that I highly recommend.  It is a easy, fun, and a cool addition to any spring/summer party.   See other ways to use POM to make fun cocktails.

What is your favorite part of Spring?  What do you like to do in April?

No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.  ~Proverb

 

The Mask

Last night I had a moment of weakness.    I had an intervention with myself on why I have been so "grumpy."   My parents are concerned because my voice seems to be sounding stressed a lot lately and no matter how hard I try to mask it, they see right through it.    I am a victim of cheating.     Not the kind of cheating one thinks of when you hear that word.   I am guilty of a different type of cheating.  I am cheating on my job.

You know when you have something missing in a relationship, you will do anything and everything before turning to the answer of terminating the relationship.    You instead try to find a replacement or distraction from really facing the problem to see if that will help alleviate the pain.   Well, that is sort of what I have been doing for the past few months.    Finding ways to fulfill where my job makes me feel empty.

So you may be thinking.... how does one cheat on their job?    I will tell you how.   I am cheating on my job by taking on more than I can handle through my  boards and side jobs.   I am masking the lacking I am feeling from my real job and finding other ways I can do the things I am interested in.    In other words, I am seeking fulfillment through other means rather than addressing the REAL issue.    The issue being that I am unhappy at work, and completely BURNT OUT.

The excitement, the enjoyment, the eagerness has started to phase.   No more surprises, no more eager to jump out of bed and get to work!    The honeymoon phase has come and GONE, and has been long gone for quite some time.

So now what?    I cannot pretend any longer.    I cannot put on a happy face and continue to ignore what my heart is trying to tell me.    Jessica, three years is a long time to be at a company.   You have accomplished all of your goals here, you have mastered all of your tasks, you unfortunately you have reached a plateau.   There is nothing new for you to do in this job.   You know you love to challenge yourself, learn new things and you aren't getting this anymore.    Your time has come to leave and that is MORE THAN OKAY.    People change jobs, change careers, you have proven everything you can here and unfortunately there is no where for you move up.    It is going to be time consuming, difficult, and a little scary to find a new job, and it may take a long time, but it is time.   No more ignoring it.    

Even as I read the words my heart and mind have been trying to tell me, I still get nervous.    I love my team here, they are the hardest working people I know and everyday they are busting their butts.    I love the mission of our work too and enjoy helping raise money.   However, I cannot ignore how I feel any longer.   There is SO MUCH I am interested in.   So many things I want to be doing and obtaining.     

To start facing my feelings, I need to do some serious soul searching.  Figure out what do I want to do?   Where do I see my career going next?    These are questions I need to answer before I really start diving into the search.

Have you changed careers recently?    Do you have any recommendations on how to figure out what you want to do?    Are you going through something similar?   I would love to hear your tips, advise, thoughts.

Eat Pray Love

Last week when I went on vacation to West Palm Beach,  I brought the book Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert with me since I knew I would have the chance to start it.   If you have not read the book, I highly recommend that you find some time to read it.    I am only a few chapters in and I was hooked after the first page.    The type of reading I enjoy  the most, is when I get attached and/or feel a connection with the story or a character.  Elizabeth is real and honest in sharing her amazing and heart wrenching story about rediscovering herself.  

Elizabeth Gilbert tells how she made the difficult choice to leave behind all the trappings of modern American success (marriage, house in the country, career) and find, instead, what she truly wanted from life.   Setting out for a year to study three different aspects of her nature amid three different cultures, Gilbert explored the art of pleasure in Italy and the art of devotion in India, and then a balance between the two on the Indonesian island of Bali.

I truly admire her and find her absolutely inspiring.   I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to leave everything behind and follow your heart.    She made herself a priority and did things for her.   Even as I am sitting here blogging about this book, I am in a coffee shop in my neighborhood on a Saturday afternoon.  I NEVER use do this, except when I was in college but I would be at a library.   I have always wanted to know what it was like being a regular at a coffee shop sitting in a booth watching people come and go, as you sit in front of your laptop while sipping on a latte, and HERE I am one of those people.   I would think as I walked by these coffee shops thinking to myself "how do they have time for this?  They must be in school or something."   To the contrary no.   People are here catching up with friends, spending time with their family, or sitting by themselves with their nose deep into their book.   Work isn't always the main motive in peoples daily lives.   Okay- I am digressing, back to the book.

One aspect of the book I love is each section of the book describes a bead on her mala mantra. A Mala (Sanskrit; mala, meaning garland) is a set of beads usually made from 108 beads.  Malas Beads/ Prayer Beads are mainly usted to count mantras.   These mantras can be recited for different purposes linked to working with the mind during meditation.  Every bead has a meaning and represents something in her book.   As I read her book I think about what each bead would represent in my life.  

Some of my beads would be for some of my most favorite memories with my family.  Another bead would be for moments of heartache.   Another bead would be for my passion of working out.   Another one would be the day I was baptized.  A bead for graduating college.   A bead for the day when I met my boyfriend.   The list is endless but I love thinking about the story each bead on my prayer bracelet would represent.   My mission since the starting of my blog, back in January of 2009, was to help me find balance in my life.    In this crazy busy world we live in, it can be easy to forget to slow down and to get caught up on the things you think matter the most (like your job).    That was my problem when I first came into the business world.   My job was consuming every piece of me and the things I like to do and the people I love were always put to the side.    I didn't like what my job was doing to me so I made a promise to myself to work on this.   Which I look back on it now as being my first bead to my mala bracelet.   

Buddhist Nun praying with prayer beads

Have you ever thought about how much you have experienced, done, and accomplished in your life?   This book has really helped me to take time to reflect on all of these things.    I think it is incredibly important and it helps me to stay grounded.    I can't wait to continue reading her story and to be inspired by her.   Have you ever read her book?   How did it make you feel- did she inspire you?   I would love to hear from you!

“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.”  ~ Elizabeth Gillbert

West Palm Beach Florida

When I received a call from my mom  last month about taking a trip to Palm Beach, Florida as a girls getaway, I immediately replied "sign me up!"   The trip would be a quick one but a much needed vacation.  Work has been insanely busy over the past few months as well as my life outside of the office, so a break sounded like paradise.

This was our first trip with just us girls and I was ecstatic.   West Palm Beach is not only a city of unsurpassed beauty, but it is a big vacation spot because of the vibrant downtown shopping on Worth Avenue, the exciting dinning experiences, and the beautiful homes that surround this town.

One of my favorite parts of my trip was going to the historic sites and learning about the history of Palm Beach County.   So being the nerd that I am, I thought I would share a little history.

Among the first residents in Palm Beach County were African Americans and many of whom were former slaves or immediate descendants of formers slaves who had escaped to the State of Florida from slave plantations located in Alabama, Georgia and South Carolina.    Runaway African slaves started coming to what was then named Spanish Florida in the late 17th century and they found refuge among the Seminole Native Americans.

A must see when visiting Palm Beach is taking a tour of the Flagler Museum.   Henry Flagler, who made his home in Palm Beach, was instrumental in the county's development in the early 20th century with the extension of the Florida East Coast Railway through the county from Jacksonville to Key West.   Flagler's houselots were bought by the beneficiaries of the Gilded Age, and in 1902 Flagler himself built a Beaux-Arts mansion, Whitehall, designed by the New York–based firm Carrère and Hastings and helped establish the Palm Beach winter "season" by constant entertaining.    The town was incorporated on April 17, 1911.

 The other historic site that was absolutely incredible, was The Breakers Hotel.    We went there our last night to see the hotel and experience the infamous bar.    The main dinning room and bar was absolutely stunning!    What was the most exciting part of our adventure to the hotel was that a wedding was being held at the hotel.   

The Breakers Hotel- Front Entrance

Wedding Cocktail Reception in the Atrium

Some of the restaurants I highly recommend you try should you travel to this tropical place.  If you love Italian food then you will love Cucina Del Arte and Bice.   For a cute place with fun decor, Michael R. McCarty's is an excellent place to dine!   For some delicious ice cream, visit Palm Beaches two famous ice cream shops- Sprinkles Ice Cream (is a favorite to frequent celebrities) and Sloan's Ice Cream.  

The only way to vacation is to allow yourself to be on vacation.   Simple and easy right?   Not according to my vacation record since I graduated college.    Work follows me wherever I go and I did NOT want it to take me away from this vacation.   So when my plane landed into the tropical state, I knew that my blackberry was in need of a SERIOUS timeout.    Of course I knew it would be a little challenging to ignore work emails, but I made myself try.    This was a rare trip and an opportunity to spend some quality time with two of the most important people in my life.     Although my trip was only a few days, I made sure I did some serious R&R and took in every minute.    I spoiled myself with delicious food (especially sweets and carbs!).   Took naps on the poolside (which I never do!)    Started reading a book that I have been wanting to read but haven't had the time, and I am loving every page of my book.  (stay tuned for my next post)   This is my idea of a vacation- escaping from the things that you do and deal with all the time.

Singer Island Marriott Resort Swimming Pool

A vacation is meant to replenish and rejuvenate you and that is exactly what I did (despite the time change happening on the day I return).   Nonetheless this vacation will remain to be one of my most favorite vacations and a time I will never forget.    I am so incredibly lucky to have a sister who loves me and knows me better than I do sometimes and a Mother whose love for their family and for life is contagious.    They are two of my best friends and I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to spend time with them in the beautiful Palm Beach.    Making time for yourself is critical in helping make sure you are balanced and if that means you have to get on an airplane to give yourself a break, then good for you!

Have you ever been to Palm Beach?   Do you have a favorite vacation memory?    What is your idea of a vacation?    How do you prevent work from getting in the way of your vacation?  I would love to hear from you.

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."  ~Attributed to both Jim Goodwin and Sydney J. Harris

Urban Oasis

Tucked away below one of the busiest streets in Chicago lies a hidden gem.   A place where you go to escape from the world above full of noise, chaos, stress, and to-do’s.    When you are down in this oasis, life seems to pause and your body immediately begins to relax.   

On President's Day,  I spent an hour away from the hustle and bustle from my everyday life and did something for me, which I rarely get to do these days.   As a gift from Mama Niehaus for planning her baby shower, she wanted to treat me to something special.    Mama Niehaus signed me up for a full body deep tissue massage at Urban Oasis Spa-  It was spectacular and I had a lovely masseuse named Rose.    She could tell my body is not only tense and tight but stressed.    She worked out the knots, warmed my muscles with heating pads so they would relax and she taught me how to breathe.    Take in real deep breaths and allow myself to really give my mind a rest, by control my breathing.  

Massages are wonderful.    They can stimulate or calm the nervous system and help reduce fatigue.    Sometimes I forget that I need to do something for myself; take time to unwind and relax after the end of each day.    Even if it is for only ten minutes- I need to do it.   Following the deep tissue massage I took a spa shower, aka a steam shower.    I am not one to go into a sauna room and spa showers aren't really my thing.  

Spa Shower

Needless to say while I was in there it reminded me of last winter when I was taking bikram yoga classes.     The heat, the big breaths, the stretching and elongating your body, spending an hour thinking of only your next pose and nothing more.   In there I made a promise to myself that I need to start going to the classes and MAKE time for myself to go.    I have been getting so caught up in the busyness of my life that I need to re-center and start doing things to help me stay balanced and energized again.    I want to try to come back to my new paradise and get my ten

What do you do to relax?    How do you "treat" yourself?    Do you have any recommendations on things I should try?     What is your favorite thing to do for yourself?   I would love to hear from you....

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.  ~Attributed to both Jim Goodwin and Sydney J. Harris

 

For the Love of the Game

Sore, tightness, cramping joints, hands swelling.   Oh how I miss this feeling.   The post-workout feeling after playing a couple hours of volleyball.    Last night I played in a co-ed pick up scrimmage at Windy City Fieldhouse with my friend Jenn and some former collegiate volleyball players and I had an absolute blast!   Aside from me having gone a year without playing I was so glad I didn't pass up the opportunity.

We played a total of six games on a men's height net since both teams had men playing.   I forgot how "short" I am, especially when I am up against a 7 foot, 11 5/8 inches net.   Luckily my position does not rely heavily on height and being small and short has actually worked to my advantage.

Throughout high school and college I was the setter for my teams.   The setter is much like the quarterback in football or the point guard in basketball, and in my opinion, is the greatest position in volleyball.    The setter is in charge of the offense.    They decide who should get the ball and when.    It doesn't matter how good a team's hitters are if it doesn't have a setter that can consistently deliver a good ball to hit, then a team is at a disadvantage.    Sometimes it was mentally draining being a setter because if you get down the team gets down, you are responsible for keeping the team together.   

Watching my set

Me Blocking (Far Right)

Playing last night has really made me realize how much I miss and LOVE the sport.    I miss the excitement of setting up a perfect "kill."    The shortness of breath after a long rally.    The way the ball feels when I am dribbling before I serve.    The challenge of finding the "holes" on the court to catch the other team off guard.   I miss it all.

What is there not to love about volleyball?    Going out and playing was of course hard on my body and I am paying the price today, but the two hours scrimmaging has made my volleyball itch reappear.    Volleyball makes me feel alive inside and is a part of who I am.    I want to play and join a league again.    I want to put on my spandex, tall volleyball socks, knee pads, the ankle guards and play.    Not just for me but for the LOVE OF THE GAME.

Misty May-Treanor (Left) and Kerri Walsh (Right)

"I don't really keep track of numbers.   We don't even think about that stuff.   That's not why we play. We play because we love it." ~ Misty May  Beach Volleyball champion

Wino

Today was one of those days where I desperately needed a glass of wine.   A day where you just needed something to take the "edge" off and the best medicine was wine.  

Do you remember those days where you'd look forward to Thursday night's and going out to the bars with your roommates and friends, letting loose after a long stressful week.   I loved those nights.    Unfortunately those college days are long gone and now replaced with happy hours and classy evenings drinking wine.   Which I prefer and love doing don't get my wrong.    

During college I was not your typical "college drinker."    Sure I played my fair share of drinking games but I was never your college drinks type of drinker.   No.   I was in my own league.   I was that girl who was carrying a bottle of Riesling during tailgate instead of an ice cold pack of beer, playing beer pong with wine in my cups, and even pre-drinking with wine.   What can I say.... I love wine.    On the evening I met my boyfriend, he offered to buy me a drink.   I stood there unsure of what to do.   The bar special was a glass of beer, a shot, or a glass of wine for a certain price.   I remember thinking to myself, just order the wine Jessica, you hate beer and don't like taking shots.  He won't care that you are a wine drinker.   So when I told him my reasoning  for ordering wine (because I love wine), he still to this day says from that moment he knew I was different and a girl to not let get away. 

Red, white, sparking, Chilean, sweet, dry, you name it, I will try it.   So far I have loved almost every type of wine I have tried.    One of the greatest things about wine is that for some people it is a hobby and a part of culture.   Wine making is an art and as I continue to expand my taste buds and understanding of wine, I find myself becoming more and more intrigued.   Learning how to pair certain wines with certain foods.   What a vintage wine means. (A "vintage wine" is one made from grapes that were all or mostly grown in a particular year, and labeled as such.)   How to choose a brand of wine and where they are grown the best.    How to "aerate" your wine and when to use a decanter.   I know I have a lot to learn and I look forward to expanding my knowledge with wine.

According to Urban Dictionary, I am somewhat of a wino; an alcoholic who believes drinking wine is justified because of its associated status among other types of alcohol.   I am mocking myself of course because sometimes my friends tease me for being such a wino.   I have never been the type of girl who craves a nice cold beer or a cosmopolitan when in need of a drink.   Instead my ideal drink is a nice cold glass of Gewurztraminer, which is one of the most famous wines of Germany (and I am German which is probably partly why I like it so much) and/or a nice room temperature glass of Merlot.   Delicious.

Having been a wino for a few years now, I have to admit that I feel empowered and classy when I hold a glass of wine.  I think people look extremely sophisticated when they are sipping wine out of their stemmed wine glasses.   May be that is a little weird but I don't care.   All I know is that little details truly make drinking wine such an art and a hobby of mine that I really enjoy.   I can't wait to grow into a wine connoisseur and hopefully make my own wine firsthand one day.    I am proud to be a wino and I am going to wine whenever I want too.

Are you a wino?   What is your favorite kind of wine?    How did you learn about wine?

"Wine makes daily living easier, less hurried, with fewer tensions and more tolerance." - Benjamin Franklin

Precious Advice

The other night I received an email from my good friend Alex.   The subject line of the email said "Precious Advice" which caught my attention.   After reading the email I immediately felt the impact of the words I had read.   Every line has a message and meaning and I knew it was too good for me to keep to myself.  Everyone can relate to some parts of this message and I hope it moves you like it did for me.   I have already told myself to re-read this post from time to time so that I will never forget this precious advice that was passed on to me.   I hope you share this with others so that they can be moved and inspired to listen to the advice.

'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.'

1.  Pray
2.  Go to bed on time.
3.  Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4.  Say NO to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5.  Delegate tasks to capable others.

6.  Simplify and unclutter your life.
7.  Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8.  Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9.  Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10.  Take one day at a time.
11.  Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12.  Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.

13.  Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14.  K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15.  Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16.  Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17.  Get enough rest.
18.  Eat right.
19.  Get organized so everything has its place.
20.  Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.

21.  Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22.  Every day, find time to be alone.
23.  Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray..
24.  Make friends with Godly people.
25.  Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26.  Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jehovah.'

27.  Laugh.
28.  Laugh some more!
29.  Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30.  Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).

31.  Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32.  Sit on your ego.
33.  Talk less; listen more.
34.  Slow down.
35.  Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36.  Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

Intense isn't it?  Did it make you think?   How many lines in this list made you say to yourself, "I need to be better about that."  Or "that is SO TRUE."  Or more importantly "I am going to start doing that."  What line/s struck you the hardest?

For me every line has meaning to me and has made me realize more than ever how much I need to really start doing some of these bullet points.   For example- find time to be alone everyday.   Give yourself enough time so you aren't rushing everywhere- aka don't overbook myself.   Learning how to say NO to projects that won't fit into your schedule.

My list could keep going on because really I need to work on all of the things that are listed and I hope this post inspires you to do the same.   I hope you take in this precious advice and live a more balanced and healthy life.

De-Friended

Have you ever found yourself in a moment where you are just sad for no particular reason.   You  see something that makes you upset or something happens to you that makes you become down, well tonight I felt just that.   I was browsing my Facebook account and saw that my other former long-time friend (who has caused me to hurt inside for almost a year) officially "defriended" me on Facebook.  Ouch.  I have no clue how recent or how long ago this act was done, but she finally did it.  I knew it was only a matter of time before she too would do it since her accomplice dumped me within a month of telling me we were no longer friends, but I was still surprised to find she had really done it.

According to Urban Dictionary, to de-friend someone means "to remove someone from your Livejournal, MySpace, Facebook, or other social networking site.   Doing this is often seen as a passive-aggressive move, telling the person without telling them that you no longer want to be friends.   It's also commonly a response to drama.   Defriending someone often causes more drama.   There are sometimes valid reasons for doing this."

This person brought so much negativity into my life and stress and I knew she was not making my life better.  I know that I am happier and more stable as a person now with her gone and out of my social network, but why does it still hurt?   Don't get me wrong, I love social media and the interactive world wide web, but I forget how painful it is to be dumped one way after another by someone you cared about.   At times I can't even remember what life was like before AOL instant messenger and the Facebook.    Instead of being dumped all at once through all of my social media channels, it has been a gradual process, making it harder for me to cope.   The pain and hurt just keeps resurfacing and I know that is her intentions. 

Now in the 21st century, being dumped by a friend or significant other is that much harder because of the social media.  Deleting someone out of your phone book and taking down photos in your room is only half of the process.   Now we take it to a more extreme level.   We un-tag ourselves from every photo posted on Facebook, block the person on all forms of e-chat, and most of all, do this before the other person does.  When did this become okay?   Why do some people go out of their way to make sure they can show you how much they want you out of their life?   I am hurt and sad enough as it is and these ex-friends have made it more than obvious that they are going to do whatever it takes to wipe me completely out of their lives.  Seeing them take turns defriending me and blocking me on every communication level has been extremely hurtful.  After hours of work, they have managed to defriend all our mutual defriends and remove any proof that our friendships even existed.    No one wants to be the dumpee, because it is easier to be the dumper.   In this case I am the dumpee and have been dumped now in every social media channel.

I am a pretty emotional person and throughout my life I have struggled with protecting my emotions.    Now realizing how much better my life is without them and how extreme people they truly are, I am glad my life and social web is finally free.   There are going to be people who cannot be happy for you, people who use you and do not value you for who you are, and people like that don't deserve your friendship.   Instead of focusing on how hurtful it has been being dumped through one social channel at a time, I focus on how better my life is without them.    I have so much to be thankful for and it is important I remind myself of that.   I want to be sad right now but I am NOT going to let them win.    Life is too short and I know that people will come and go, some more maturely than others.   I know I am the bigger person and do not regret allowing my ex-friends to dump me and remove me permanently from their lives.   I could be mad and angry at them, but I would rather remember the good times we shared and not let my confidence be ruined because of their actions.    I know I am lucky and blessed in so many ways and the last thing I need are people who don't want to be a "real friend."

 Have you ever been dumped or defriended by someone you cared about?   How did you respond?   How did it make you feel?


"As with most human behavior – the phenomenon of defriending is very interesting and also entertaining. It also shows how very little the word “friend” means in the context of social media. If you can willy nilly defriend someone – they probably were never a friend at all." ~ Heather Shoenberger, Social Media Examiner, examiner.com. Article: Defriending- A laughing matter?