Saturday, April 10, 2010

Tick Tock- Racing Against the Clock

 Do you ever have that feeling like your chasing something you know you will never catch?  Or no matter how hard you train or work, you know you are still going to lose?   Unfortunately, I know exactly how that feels. You may be thinking; who is this enemy or what is she chasing?    This nemesis of mine is not a person. It is not real.   My antagonist is simply time.

For as long as I can remember, my life has revolved around the clock and my planner.  Learning how to manage my time, schedule and plans was a skill I had to learn at a pretty young age.  Learning how to manage my life on a daily basis, weekly basis and at times a monthly basis, helps me stay organized and prevent me from overbooking myself.  The downside is that it forces me to think about what is ahead, rather than right now.

Every day I walk into my office with the mindset of anything could happen.  For some people, their jobs are predictable and typically leave work on time and at a normal hour.  For me, my work day begins and ends in what feels like a blink of an eye, always wondering where time went. Sometimes my life feels like I am on a race track, always racing against my number one competitor- time and no matter how fast or how long I am working or moving, I am always behind.  Time stresses me out, makes me anxious, and is the one thing that really gets me fired up.  Rushing from one thing to the next is exhausting and some days I wish it would stop.

Never knowing when I will be leaving work, causes making plans and having a life outside of the office difficult.  I constantly feel like I am racing against the clock in hopes that I will win. At what point will I say ENOUGH!  Or this is too much for me.  Will all my hard work and dedication pay off?   I truly hope so.

It has taken me a while now to realize that may be I am taking on too much and I am trying to cut back on filling my every minute.  I am slowly learning that it is okay to have down time and am rediscovering things I like to do for me.   I deserve to do something for me everyday, not matter how busy I am.   My heart loves to make others happy and I know that I was brought into this world on purpose.   I was given life to live for a reason, a reason I am still seeking to figure out.  I may not understand why I am where I am today, but God has a plan for me and I need to trust him.

I know a life is not meant to be spent at work nor racing from one thing to the next.  A life is supposed to be fun, relaxing, enjoyable, and fulfilling- not frantic, stressful or draining.  I know the work I am doing is making a difference.  My organization helps give children in poverty the best chance for success in school and in life; a chance for a better life.

I am passionate about what my organization does and it helps me stay focused and motivated, even during the most stressful moments.   At times I forget how lucky I am to be working for an amazing cause and how much I have wanted to do something that is bigger than myself.  Sometimes we seek ways in which we can make a difference and I am constantly looking for more and more ways that I can.

Unless for me to truly enjoy the philanthropic boards that I am on and the job I have, I need to really try to leave work at work and not let it get the best of me. I am going to accept my work lifestyle and continue to fill my time outside of the office with the things I enjoy most in life, because life can be fulfilling both in and outside of the office.  I need to cherish this time in my life where I can fill my time how I want to and not be responsible for anyone other than myself.    I may be racing against time, but I control what I do with my time and that is a fact.

How do you slow yourself down?   Do you ever feel like you are racing against time?    Do you have a job that can feel like too much at times?

“The true way to render ourselves happy is to love our work and find in it our pleasure.” Francoise de Motteville

There is more to life than increasing its speed.  ~Mohandas K. Gandhi

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