Wednesday, March 3, 2010

“What Goes Around Comes Around”

Karma- The Sanskrit word Karma (or kamma in Pali) literally means action. In Buddhism however, karma mainly refers to one's intention or motivation while doing an action. The shortest explanation of karma that I know is: 'you get what you give'. In other words; whatever you do intentionally to others, a similar thing will happen to yourself in the future. My definition of Karma is, what goes around, comes around.

Lately the word Karma, has been my motto and has helped me get through the past few weeks. Recently, I have felt heart-ache, anger, frustration, sadness, betrayal, and plain old lost. I was basically on a roller-coaster of emotion and did not know when I was going to hit the peak and eventually come back to the ground. For a while, it seemed that things were only getting worse, rather than better.

As time goes on, people change and relationships can fade. I recently had a falling out with a long-time friend, and sadly, it was no fairy-tale ending. As our relationship blossomed, we found ourselves growing not only as individuals, but closer as friends, despite a few bumps in the road along the way. We of course knew how to push each other’s buttons, but that is part of being a true friend. Without the occasional bickering, deep secrets, and hurtful moments of brutal honesty; a friendship wouldn’t be complete. This friend I truly thought cared for me, until she attempted to squish me like a bug into the ground, on the phone while at my gym.

Of course carrying my cell phone with me everywhere has its perks, but for this instance, I shouldn’t have taken the call. Being the trusting person that I am and thinking nothing bad will ever happen to me, I abandoned my bike to answer my call where I could get service. After 30+ minutes passed, our long and hurtful conversation was inevitably cut short because my cell phone died. With anger on my face, I then returned to my stationery bike that I had been using as an outsource for my built-up emotions, to find that my ipod was missing. I panicked. I frantically started looking everywhere. I even asked the front desk employees at my gym if anything had been turned in. No luck. At that moment, I wanted to cry. The feeling of an elephant sitting on your chest was beginning to surface and I could feel my eyes starting to bulge- but I was not going to let my emotions take over. I grabbed my stuff, went looking for My Guy and exited the gym as fast as I could.

The second I got into the car, my emotions finally got the best of me. I was in shambles. Everyone needs a good cry here and there, but my tears were tears coming from more than one direction. Tears of anger, sadness, heart-ache and frustration, each took their turn coming out. Thank goodness for My Guy, he was there to listen and comfort me for as long as my tears were going to fall. All night I re-ran our conversation and how our friendship had came to this point. I may never know the true intentions and reasoning’s behind her change of heart and her need to knock me down. My biggest fear is that she will try to draw others to her side, and for me to be abandoned. I will not allow it. My friendships and relationships are my glue and no one will get in my way.

As each day goes by, I am continuing to grow stronger and realizing my life is happier in the end. Life does go on. People come and go, things are lost and found, and at the end of each day, the only person that really matters, is yourself. I am not going to get knocked down by the bad and hurtful things that have happened to me lately. I know who I am inside and out, despite what others think or say. I know I will grow from this and become stronger and more thick-skinned than I was before. It is impossible to please everyone and it is okay if some people do not see me for me, because in the end, what goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around.

"I'm a true believer in karma. You get what you give, whether it's bad or good." - Sandra Bullock

1 comment:

  1. You are so right my friend! What goes around will come around...especially to those who make a huge deal out of the small things. Some people just have too much time on their hands, and feel it necessary to bring others down...but that just means they are unhappy and have nothing better to do! Or at least that is the way it comes across. You are a beautiful, caring, motivated chick and you need to keep doing what makes you happy and everyone can either join in or they need to just mind their own business and focus on what's going on in their own lives!! :) Love ya mucho!