Monday, November 15, 2010


Have you ever found yourself in a moment where you are just sad for no particular reason.   You  see something that makes you upset or something happens to you that makes you become down, well tonight I felt just that.   I was browsing my Facebook account and saw that my other former long-time friend (who has caused me to hurt inside for almost a year) officially "defriended" me on Facebook.  Ouch.  I have no clue how recent or how long ago this act was done, but she finally did it.  I knew it was only a matter of time before she too would do it since her accomplice dumped me within a month of telling me we were no longer friends, but I was still surprised to find she had really done it.

According to Urban Dictionary, to de-friend someone means "to remove someone from your Livejournal, MySpace, Facebook, or other social networking site.   Doing this is often seen as a passive-aggressive move, telling the person without telling them that you no longer want to be friends.   It's also commonly a response to drama.   Defriending someone often causes more drama.   There are sometimes valid reasons for doing this."

This person brought so much negativity into my life and stress and I knew she was not making my life better.  I know that I am happier and more stable as a person now with her gone and out of my social network, but why does it still hurt?   Don't get me wrong, I love social media and the interactive world wide web, but I forget how painful it is to be dumped one way after another by someone you cared about.   At times I can't even remember what life was like before AOL instant messenger and the Facebook.    Instead of being dumped all at once through all of my social media channels, it has been a gradual process, making it harder for me to cope.   The pain and hurt just keeps resurfacing and I know that is her intentions. 

Now in the 21st century, being dumped by a friend or significant other is that much harder because of the social media.  Deleting someone out of your phone book and taking down photos in your room is only half of the process.   Now we take it to a more extreme level.   We un-tag ourselves from every photo posted on Facebook, block the person on all forms of e-chat, and most of all, do this before the other person does.  When did this become okay?   Why do some people go out of their way to make sure they can show you how much they want you out of their life?   I am hurt and sad enough as it is and these ex-friends have made it more than obvious that they are going to do whatever it takes to wipe me completely out of their lives.  Seeing them take turns defriending me and blocking me on every communication level has been extremely hurtful.  After hours of work, they have managed to defriend all our mutual defriends and remove any proof that our friendships even existed.    No one wants to be the dumpee, because it is easier to be the dumper.   In this case I am the dumpee and have been dumped now in every social media channel.

I am a pretty emotional person and throughout my life I have struggled with protecting my emotions.    Now realizing how much better my life is without them and how extreme people they truly are, I am glad my life and social web is finally free.   There are going to be people who cannot be happy for you, people who use you and do not value you for who you are, and people like that don't deserve your friendship.   Instead of focusing on how hurtful it has been being dumped through one social channel at a time, I focus on how better my life is without them.    I have so much to be thankful for and it is important I remind myself of that.   I want to be sad right now but I am NOT going to let them win.    Life is too short and I know that people will come and go, some more maturely than others.   I know I am the bigger person and do not regret allowing my ex-friends to dump me and remove me permanently from their lives.   I could be mad and angry at them, but I would rather remember the good times we shared and not let my confidence be ruined because of their actions.    I know I am lucky and blessed in so many ways and the last thing I need are people who don't want to be a "real friend."

 Have you ever been dumped or defriended by someone you cared about?   How did you respond?   How did it make you feel?

"As with most human behavior – the phenomenon of defriending is very interesting and also entertaining. It also shows how very little the word “friend” means in the context of social media. If you can willy nilly defriend someone – they probably were never a friend at all." ~ Heather Shoenberger, Social Media Examiner, Article: Defriending- A laughing matter?

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